I spent most of this past weekend on Facebook, messaging relatives, telling my story and reading about theirs. It has been so overwhelming and intense and exhausting.
I spent hours chatting with my Uncle Bryan, who is my father's younger brother. He was able to fill me in on the family tree and some of the dynamics of the family. Trying to keep names straight and relations is mind boggling in a family of this size. He also shared a few memories of my mom, which always makes me smile. She is a beautiful, terrific woman!
My next message started this way....."Hey Sis"...Nick Kaplan is my brother. Nick is 31 or 32 and lives in Arkansas. He grew up with the BF and has a relationship with him. Looking at the pictures of him, I think he looks the most like me...but not really like me.
The following day, I got a message from Leigha, my sister. Nick and Leigha are "whole" siblings. Leigha is the youngest at 29 and still lives close to BF. I have been able to see some pictures of BF on her facebook page. Strange....he looks like a normal guy...not the man I had imagined him to be.
Last but certainly not least I heard from JD. JD lives in Phoenix and like me has never had a relationship with BF. JD is 35, which leads me to believe that there was some hanky panky going on with the BF back in the day - Considering BF left when I was (at the youngest) 1. JD has a lot of the same feelings about BF as I do. He has talked to him and met him, but nothing more than that.
We have planned to all meet in March of 2014. It's a ways off, but I am still excited to meet all my new family and for them to meet each other. Nick and Leigha have never meet JD either.
I have yet to talk to BF and that's ok. I am in no hurry. This journey may have begun with the curiosity to know him, but it's not about that anymore. Now I am more interested in knowing my siblings. He is a man who provided a seed but nothing more than that in my life. Eventually I am sure that the day will come when I will face him but until that day comes, I really have no interest.
I have lived 37 years without him, I certainly don't need his presence in my life now.
Until Next time....
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Saturday, July 20, 2013
I mailed the letter to my aunt on Wednesday and on Friday morning she called me. It was a normal Friday morning, barely awake enough to attempt to be productive, I sat at my desk typing away, when my cell phone rang. I make it a practice to not answer calls from numbers I don't know, I figure if someone really wants to talk to me they will leave a message..right? Anyway, I let the call go to voice mail and I busily typed the phone number into google to see who was calling me.....Lakeside/Pinetop. My first thought was..."OMG...they found my shoe!" (A story for another time) and then my pulse quickened a bit and I was anxious, my stomach dropped as I remembered she lives in Lakeside/Pinetop. No, it couldn't be...could it?
I waited for what seemed like an eternity for the little green light on my phone to tell me there was a message. And then I listened..repeatedly to the sound of my aunt saying she was happy I found her because she had looking for me for years. And that I had family that wanted to meet me and that she knew how to contact my father.
The rest of the day was a blur, I couldn't concentrate on anything and was relieved when the boss said to leave early. I knew I had to race home to meet the contractor to get the estimate on the hole in my ceiling, but I also had a phone call to return. The contractor came and left with somewhat good news....payment on the deductible, cleaning the carpets and painting the entire ceiling....excitement in the life of this home owner!
I had knots in my stomach and I almost didn't call her back. I was afraid of opening the door that had been closed for so long...was I sure this is what I wanted? How would my dad react to this news?
I dialed the number and prayed no one would answer, after the fourth ring I was rehearsing my message in my head when she answered. I meekly said "Hi, this is Michelle". We didn't talk for long, but long enough for me to find out that I have 2 brothers and a sister on my fathers side. I have a huge family....in the hundreds and all along they have known about me and have been looking for me. My father is living a quiet life in Missouri, she hasn't seen him in 10 years. It was overwhelming..... all of it.
Today, I have gotten numerous friend requests from family members, but no one has actually talked to me. I think its weird for all of us.
So thankful to have my honey along on this journey, he has been so supportive and understanding. And my mom, I didn't know how she would react to all of this, but she has been wonderful. I couldn't ask for more than I have. I am feeling blessed.
I waited for what seemed like an eternity for the little green light on my phone to tell me there was a message. And then I listened..repeatedly to the sound of my aunt saying she was happy I found her because she had looking for me for years. And that I had family that wanted to meet me and that she knew how to contact my father.
The rest of the day was a blur, I couldn't concentrate on anything and was relieved when the boss said to leave early. I knew I had to race home to meet the contractor to get the estimate on the hole in my ceiling, but I also had a phone call to return. The contractor came and left with somewhat good news....payment on the deductible, cleaning the carpets and painting the entire ceiling....excitement in the life of this home owner!
I had knots in my stomach and I almost didn't call her back. I was afraid of opening the door that had been closed for so long...was I sure this is what I wanted? How would my dad react to this news?
I dialed the number and prayed no one would answer, after the fourth ring I was rehearsing my message in my head when she answered. I meekly said "Hi, this is Michelle". We didn't talk for long, but long enough for me to find out that I have 2 brothers and a sister on my fathers side. I have a huge family....in the hundreds and all along they have known about me and have been looking for me. My father is living a quiet life in Missouri, she hasn't seen him in 10 years. It was overwhelming..... all of it.
Today, I have gotten numerous friend requests from family members, but no one has actually talked to me. I think its weird for all of us.
So thankful to have my honey along on this journey, he has been so supportive and understanding. And my mom, I didn't know how she would react to all of this, but she has been wonderful. I couldn't ask for more than I have. I am feeling blessed.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
I took the leap, put myself out "there", tried to ask questions....what did I get? Nothing.
A little backstory....
My mother was sixteen when she found out she was pregnant with me, seventeen and married when she gave birth. Married to a man two years older than her and completely unwilling and unprepared to be a father. He beat her and abandoned our little family. I don't remember him, pictures are my only link to him. I imagine, I could walk by him in the street and never know it was him. From the day he left, I have never heard from him, no calls, no cards on my birthday, no child support. Nothing.
My mother divorced BF (biological father) and married my dad. He and his family adopted me, legally and emotionally. I have never felt as though I were an outsider or that I was any different than my brother and sister.
Every now and then I would find myself wondering about BF, where was he, did I have other siblings, did he care or even miss me? As I grew up, I contemplated finding him, seeking him and his world out. My mom told me she heard he had passed away, but she wasn't sure. I tried on several occasions to track him down, but knowing little more than a name made it difficult. I got nowhere fast.
Fast foward....sitting in a new Dr's office filling out the paperwork, Father's Family History...and it hit me....I have no idea. Cancer runs on my mother's side...does it on my father's side? Diabetes? Heart problems? I have no idea the kind of health conditions that could curse me later in life. I knew I had to try again to reach out and find my long lost family.
Facebook has made it easier to search for people and spy on the unsuspecting. I entered his name in the search section....I located some young man with a very nice looking family in middle America, but not a middle aged man. I searched just his last name and came up with hundreds of potential relatives. I came up with a few people with the same surname that lived in the area he grew up in, of course none of their profiles said they were related to him. Or listed him as a friend. Frustrated, I hit up Google and typed in one of the names that had a picture that looked somewhat similar to him.
What I found next, had me excited and sad all at once. An obituary of the man who was my paternal grandfather. Listed in the survived by section was my BF's name and the names of his siblings. I plugged in the names of several relatives in Facebook and found some results. I sent a message to my aunt (his sister) and nothing.... Fast forward 3 months...
I found an address for this same aunt and yesterday, well early this morning...I sent her a letter. Time will tell what happens.
Until then.....
A little backstory....
My mother was sixteen when she found out she was pregnant with me, seventeen and married when she gave birth. Married to a man two years older than her and completely unwilling and unprepared to be a father. He beat her and abandoned our little family. I don't remember him, pictures are my only link to him. I imagine, I could walk by him in the street and never know it was him. From the day he left, I have never heard from him, no calls, no cards on my birthday, no child support. Nothing.
My mother divorced BF (biological father) and married my dad. He and his family adopted me, legally and emotionally. I have never felt as though I were an outsider or that I was any different than my brother and sister.
Every now and then I would find myself wondering about BF, where was he, did I have other siblings, did he care or even miss me? As I grew up, I contemplated finding him, seeking him and his world out. My mom told me she heard he had passed away, but she wasn't sure. I tried on several occasions to track him down, but knowing little more than a name made it difficult. I got nowhere fast.
Fast foward....sitting in a new Dr's office filling out the paperwork, Father's Family History...and it hit me....I have no idea. Cancer runs on my mother's side...does it on my father's side? Diabetes? Heart problems? I have no idea the kind of health conditions that could curse me later in life. I knew I had to try again to reach out and find my long lost family.
Facebook has made it easier to search for people and spy on the unsuspecting. I entered his name in the search section....I located some young man with a very nice looking family in middle America, but not a middle aged man. I searched just his last name and came up with hundreds of potential relatives. I came up with a few people with the same surname that lived in the area he grew up in, of course none of their profiles said they were related to him. Or listed him as a friend. Frustrated, I hit up Google and typed in one of the names that had a picture that looked somewhat similar to him.
What I found next, had me excited and sad all at once. An obituary of the man who was my paternal grandfather. Listed in the survived by section was my BF's name and the names of his siblings. I plugged in the names of several relatives in Facebook and found some results. I sent a message to my aunt (his sister) and nothing.... Fast forward 3 months...
I found an address for this same aunt and yesterday, well early this morning...I sent her a letter. Time will tell what happens.
Until then.....
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